Spontaneous Shopping- A Humor Piece


I’m an ISTJ. If you don’t know what that means, it means that, when it comes to my personality type: I’m trustworthy, a thinker, but also compulsive, rule following, and obey the regulations. Spontaneity is not something that comes with being an ISTJ.

So one Saturday morning, I am minding my own business reading the news, when my wife approaches me with a dastardly proposition. Now, keep in mind, she’s an INFJ, so while she’s a huge introvert, she’s a little bit more less about rules, regulation, and planning. 

“Hey, you” she says.

“Uh, oh,” I think. “I’m in trouble.” Why am I thinking this? I don’t know. Maybe I’ve watched too many sitcoms.

She continues, “So, why don’t we go on a trip. My friend called and said they’re having a garage sale at a church in the next town. Let’s go and see what they have.”

When she said this, my mind begin to unravel. One thing you should know about me, I am cheap. I like discounts, second hand stores, Goodwill, and thrift stores. So when I heard garage sale, I was thinking we’re on the right path, but then a red alert went off in my head.

“We didn’t plan to go out, my dear,” I tell her. It was true. We had wanted to go swimming, but rain messed up that, so we had decided to stay home and binge watch Everybody Hates Chris reruns. I’ll admit, Plan B wasn’t exciting, but it was our current plan not to be deviated from. 

“Well, my husband,” she says. “I don’t feel like being cooped up inside on a Saturday afternoon. Let’s go out for the day and have some fun.”

“But, Sweetheart, I don’t really want to go out. I’m tired from work.” It was true. I go to work early in the mornings and though I am a Youth Pastor, I double as a Groundskeeper for our church. It is quite tiring. It was a plea to accept the plan based on sympathy.

“Baby,” she says trying to break through to me. “I have been cooped up all week and I really REALLY need to get out. Please?”

Then she did it. She gave me The Face. It’s not just any face, but the face that disarms me no matter what. It’s has the combination of sad puppy, cute kitty, and fluffy koala all in one. Despite my attempts to barter back for the rules, it was over, she had triumphed with The Face. She doesn’t make it often, but when she does, there’s no escaping. 

“Can I buy tacos from Jack-In-The-Box?” I asked that because I’m addicted to them like a hog to mud. Since we were apparently going into town, it stood to reason that we would be buying lunch. I figured I would at least ask and redeem some of my pride from suffering a knock-out blow from The Face.

We went into town and we each bought some pretty cool stuff from the garage sale, and we did have Jack-In-The-Box for lunch. It was good.

This story is based on a true event, but it has a satirized for your reading pleasure.

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