Buying A Gift For My Fiancee: A Satirical Story

I announced my engagement to my best friend a few months back. Well, this story will no doubt put a smile on your face.

The other day, I was buying a little Hello Kitty beanie doll for my fiancée, who lives in California. She loves stuff 01 beanie+baby+hello+kittyanimals, and the more huggable, the better. She was coming in to visit me and I was preparing her some surprises.

When I went up to the cashier to purchase it, I almost immediately noticed that this pretty white kitty with a red bow, and bright outfit looked a little out-of-place with the manly cammo-hunting shirt I was wearing. I also noticed that the cashier was giving me a curious look. She had plenty of time because I was the only customer at the check out.

Now normally, I let stuff like that just roll off my back, but when you’re engaged, you want to tell the whole world, and let them in on your happiness.

So I said, “My fiancée is coming in to visit, so I’m buying this for her,” expecting the a-typical: Oh, how sweet, or Congratulations, or What a thoughtful guy! (The last one usually comes from women who are waiting for their man to pop the question.)

To my shock and horror, this was the response I got: “This all you getting her?”

I was somewhat thrown aback by this comment, but I managed to recover with: “Well, I’ve made her a little surprise basket. She loves Hello Kitty.” It was the truth, just so you know.

The cashier: “Oh, that’s nice.” She said it very sincerely. I was thinking, “Finally, a little bit of the praise I’m deserving for getting my fiancée a cutesy gift.”

However, she picked up with: “Where she coming from?” My reply: “California.” Her reply: “How do you two do that?”

I was kind of reeling from the intrusiveness of the question, but I got out: “Uh, we Skype?” I was kind of asking it as a question, hoping it was the right answer. At this point, I was thinking, “Please just ring me up.”

This is the kicker response: “Skype? What that? You can’t hug her on Skype. You can’t eat together. You can’t kiss each other.” I was thinking: “You’re not telling me anything new.”

Finally, the machine informed me I could pay with debit. This barrage of prying question was starting to make me feel uncomfortable. However, the cashier seemed to be enjoying it. I’m guessing she was sensing how awkward I was feeling.

I replied: “It’s tough, but we’re making it work.”

Her answer: “Well, blessings to the both of you.”

I grabbed the Hello Kitty doll, thanked her, and got out of Dodge. This time thinking: “All I wanted from her was a blessing to begin with.”

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